If you have found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, your values and interests need to connect on some level. Call them whatever you want – core values, personal beliefs, world views, likes or dislikes – they are essential factors in good relationships.
It doesn’t mean that you have to be the same, or even agree about everything. But if you’re going to have a good marriage – one that’s more fun than friction – then you need to share the same basic values and motivations.
It’s important for each of you to think about the things that are really important to you - the things that are at the core of who you are. Then think about how those things align with your significant other. Are they as important to them as they are to you?
Here are a few things to think about. Some are vitally important. Others, not so much. But taken together, these are topics that help you understand better whether you are compatible, or not... And that will impact the depth and quality of your relationship.
Go through each of these and consider how close or far apart you are on them:
Now, consider this: which of these truly matter to you?
Are you on the same page with each other in areas that really count? And not just in theory, but in practice? It’s important that the one you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with isn’t just saying the right words as you discuss these things, but is actually living them out. So I would encourage you to take a good look at their life right now and see if it aligns with the things that are really important to you.
Also keep in mind that differences between people aren’t always a negative. Our differences can challenge us to grow and change. And they can add excitement and fun into our relationship. I know that’s been true for Bernice and me.
It’s up to you to decide (and it’s important to do this!) which of your core values are significant enough that you know you need to marry someone who holds those same core values and practices them, and which are simply differences that you can live with or could even be good for your marriage.
Question from Video to Discuss: Do your differences cause problems in your relationship or are they helping you both grow and have a stronger relationship?